I hope you are all as okay as can be expected… I have been pretty quiet for quite some time now but I am back with enthusiasm and determination and am hoping to make posting a regular-ish thing, migraine permitting of course!
I got really busy, apparently I thought regardless of the fact I had a chronic illness that I could turn into superwoman. STUPID. I was kind of tolerating it and my body wasn’t giving me too many warnings so I kept pushing and pushing. I even bought myself my dream car amongst all my excitement – okay, it’s not a Bentley but it doesn’t fall far behind in my eyes haha! Then one day, it hit me and I got REALLY, REALLY ill. So life came to a halt. I mean being housebound, using a wheelchair, unable to work, unable to graduate on time, unable to walk around the house easily, unable to live on my own, walk my dog, drive my lovely car kind of ill and have been like this since February. I also have this utter exhaustion that is swamping my body making me ache and weak, it isn’t just tiredness it is completely different. So with all that came this MASSIVE wave of negativity and I didn’t want to keep moaning and put my problems on other people.
I pretty much pinned all my hopes and dreams on my Neurology appointment, again STUPID. I was basically told I was unlucky migraine wise, that this overwhelming fatigue wasn’t normal but there wasn’t anything that could be done, I just needed to wait and see. I don’t want anything additional to be wrong with me but it would be helpful to be given some idea as to why my whole body feels like it has flu and is so weak and why no amount of rest is fixing it.
So this is where my post becomes positive… after all the tears and feeling like I was never going to live a normal life again, I found hope!! This hope is in the form of alternative therapies and I will fill you in on this in my next post but the main point of this is that instead of getting bogged down wondering why me, why won’t it go away or why is no one helping me like I had been doing, I now feel hopeful that I can do things to help make tiny little steps to somewhere that is a much better place than I am at currently.
I’m so grateful to those who have been there, continuously supporting me. When you are stuck in the house day in day out, unable to go anywhere it is the little visits, texts and cards in the post that make your day and remind you that you aren’t on your own. Today some beautiful Bloom & Wild flowers came in the post from my sister and best friend Sophie, they really put a smile on my face.
I’ve also been lucky enough to have Tilly hanging round for cuddle time day in, day out which I suppose is a bit of a bonus of being ill…